Fuck If I know

I am running through a grove of trees. The trees are glowing with soft light from the waning sun and I can see each foot fall. Breathing hard and moving fast I fly through the forest — beat, beat, beat my bare feet hit the dirt. It starts to get darker and the trees thicker and I am lost and confused. But I keep running. Running and running and have no fucking idea to what.

If I were a Witch I would fly over the trees looking down and then cast a spell over this great Earth — a spell of peace and desire- for all creatures to know peace and desire. I would mix herbs and tinctures and finally know why I was born with this nose. If I had a dollar for every time someone needed to say “you have a big nose”. You don’t know anything — here drink this little bottle — you are turning green, you are melting now. Good your gone. No one will miss you. Oh wait, was I talking about peace and desire…oops. Fuck if I know peace and desire.

If I were a Goddess I would carry a golden rod of lightening — ring of golden leaves around my head — my skin dewy and glowing, my breasts perky and ripe. I would create great drama in the God world and be the lover and the confidant to the powerful and eat grapes — you know Goddess shit. Think Aphrodite not that creepy saggy tit goddess that people make beeswax candles out of — she has no face. I would use that lightening wand to make humans fall in love with each other and orgy out. Shut up and stop trying to control each other and stop trying to be in the “in group”. Eat some grapes and shut the fuck up. There is no “in group” you know. We are all just idiots.

But I am just a woman and a mother and a lover. I have flaws and a vulnerable heart. I don’t have a lightening rod or a broom and a cool hat or ravens that follow me around and do my dirty work. I drive a hand me down volvo and sell vintage leather jackets. Somehow things just don’t add up? I feel so powerful and yet do nothing.

I have to admit that I don’t fucking know.